I’m currently coaching several leaders on the frequent human tendency to compare and despair.
Not familiar with this term? Compare and despair are the thoughts and feelings that may come up when you:
- Scroll through others vacation photos on social media
- Stroll through a fancy neighborhood checking out the gorgeous homes and cars
- Talk to your friends and think, ‘they are so much farther ahead than I am.’
Any of these sound familiar? This is the destructive land of compare and despair, my friends! l know this area well because I used to be a frequent visitor and I was always reacting to these feelings.
For instance, I moved several times to chase a nicer home. I changed cars every couple of years. When I went to events, I would dress to impress, often buying new outfits the day-of so I would look good and stand out.
I did these things to keep up with my friends. They are drop-dead gorgeous. They are incredibly smart and talented and killing it in their professions. In comparison, I felt less than. I constantly needed to prove myself. Despite everything that I had achieved—my accolades and recognition—none of it felt like enough. In fact, I could hardly even acknowledge my own accomplishments.
Moving Past Compare and Despair
Through coaching and self-awareness, I’ve been able to break this habit and change my thoughts.
Instead of putting my house on the market when my friends were building their dream homes, I looked deep inside myself and focused on experiencing gratitude for what I have.
- I have a roof over my head.
- I have a husband and son who I love “bigger than the whole sky.”
- I have a strong body that gets me where I want to go.
From this space, something surprising happened. I began to love my house. When a realtor asked if their buyer could tour my home I said, “no, we aren’t interested.” I stopped stressing about my outfit, or my weight, or what people would think of me at events.
With all of the time (and money) I freed up not worrying about what I needed to fix, I started to turn inward, to grow, to work on myself, and to feel LOVE. I didn’t do this to prove something to anyone else. It wasn’t a reaction to someone else’s life being “better.” I did it because I wanted to see what I was made of. I wanted to run MY race, not someone else’s. And from this space, I feel incredibly liberated and empowered.
Today, I know deep down in my bones that I am enough, just as I am. No comparisons. My power is within. I have my eyes on my priorities and I am living by and for them. Because I WANT to. This is my life. And I am living it. My way.
Next time you catch yourself going towards compare and despair land, reign yourself back in, refocus on all you are grateful for, draw your beautiful power back within you, and get back to work.
P.S. Want more on this topic? Check out “You Can Wear My Hat…I Don’t Need It.”
P.P.S. Want to eliminate compare and despair from your life? I absolutely can help. You will be AMAZED at how your life changes. Email me firstname.lastname@example.org or sign up for a free coaching session with me here.